Sunday, December 29, 2019

One Of The Most Important Things To Understand About Narcissism




A One Person Cult

Being in a narcissistically abusive relationship is very much like being in a cult.

Once you digest this piece of information you begin to understand what happened and then the pieces of the puzzle start fitting together.

One of the pieces of the puzzle is why you sometimes doubt wether you are the narcissist or not. 

"Am I The Narcissist?" Find 3 reasons why you may be feeling like you are more narcissistic than before in today's video and stick to the end to learn more about the similarities between cults and narcissistic abuse.

Love bombing is an expression that comes from a cult, "the Moonies" would love bomb their victims to seduce them and gain more members.

Brainwashing is another one! Erasing your identity, your individuality and your own values and ideas about the world in order to mold them to what a cult wants/needs you to believe.

Tactics like putting people into a trance (aka dissociating) out of, for example, exhaustion in order to instill ideas into their minds are some other manipulative tactics cults use. 

Sounds familiar?


Being in an abusive relationship has a lot in common with being in a cult. 

I'll let you process that for now.

For more on this watch today's video!



Sunday, December 22, 2019

Miss Me... Miss Me Not






















Hi 👋it's me again!

Last week a viewer of my videos wanted to know if the narcissistic ex partner missed her. 

I sensed some cognitive dissonance with a dash of hoovering weakness in her comment :/ so I thought a video addressing that question was in order. 

Watch the video here

For the record, cognitive dissonance is a very confusing state to be in. It can be, not only psychologically, but physically painful to not be able to decide what's really going on. 

When two conflicting beliefs are sustained at the same time we need one thing above all: objective thinking based on facts.

Easier said than done though, right?

I hope this video helps in that department!






Hola, soy yo otra vez 👋 !

La semana pasada me preguntaron si era posible que los narcisistas extrañen a sus ex parejas.

Me pareció que una explicación iba a poder ayudar a reducir la disonancia cognitiva y la probabilidad de ceder a un intento de hoovering.

La disonancia cognitiva es un estado muy molesto y hasta puede verse reflejado físicamente. 

El sostener dos creencias opuestas al mismo tiempo hace que necesitemos claridad en el pensamiento y esto es con lo que intento ayudar en este video.

Espero que sea de utilidad!


Sunday, December 15, 2019

Understand Narcissistic Envy & Regain Your Self Esteem





In the aftermath of narcissistic abuse the victim is left with a mixture of negative emotions, feelings and symptoms that linger even after reducing or eliminating contact with the abuser. 

These symptoms are: a loss of a previously joyful and empowered sense of self, pronounced loss of identity, acute low self-esteem, deep shame, and hopelessness.


In today's video: Narcissistic Envy, I explain one of the most powerful reasons why this happens for victims of narcissistic abuse, and how understanding this dynamic can help victims start feeling better about themselves.


Believe it or not this complex emotion is at the root of what drives narcissistic behavior.


P.S. Why You'd Benefit from Not Avoiding the Word "Victim".




En gran parte, lo que sufre una víctima luego del abuso narcisista, sobre todo encubierto, es una mezcla de sensaciones y síntomas que la acompañan incluso luego de haber reducido el contacto o luego de haber logrado el contacto cero.

Estos síntomas son: la pérdida de un sentido del yo que anteriormente era alegre, jovial y energético, pérdida de identidad, vergüenza patológica, baja autoestima y sensación de desesperanza profunda, entre muchos otros.

En el video de hoy: Envidia Narcisista, espero que encuentren un alivio para estos sentimientos tan marcados al entender porqué dentro de la comprensión de esta dinámica se encierra la clave para empezar a sentirse mejor.

Esta emoción es una de las causas principales de muchos de los comportamientos de una persona con altos niveles de narcisismo en su estructura de personalidad.


Friday, November 22, 2019

Healthy Relationships: Normal is the new Sexy




After being in contact with highly narcissistic people you come to 2 major conclusions: 


  • 1) You are required to make a paradigm shift in your life.


There's a cost to giving your power, your health, your time, and good intentions to people that show you, over and over again, that your "life juice" is what they are after (aka narcissistic supply) people that want to steal your spark, your "joie de vivre", your joy. 

That cost comes in the form of your mental and physical health.


  • 2) From the moment you decide that you are no longer putting up with people like that you become an expert in detecting healthy people!


Since you already know how much you can loose by associating with narcissistic people, your boundaries become your best allies. 

I hope this video can help you detect Normal people like a boss. 

Who'd have known... Normal is the new cool.


Monday, November 4, 2019

Communal Narcissists


Communal narcissists differ from other types of narcissists in that they get supply from a community.

In 2012 Jochen E. Gebauer and collegues saw that the communal narcissist satisfies the same "self-motives of grandiosity, esteem, entitlement, and power" as regular narcissists, "but in communal domains" 

Communal narcissists have a "saint-type bias" that allows for entitlement and grandiose self-views:

  • "I am the most helpful person I know
  • I am the most caring person in my social surroundings
  • I am extraordinarily trustworthy" (Gebauer et al.)


Ironically, the belief that one is, "...the most caring person" in a "social surrounding.." doesn't go well with the original motives under which a community is formed. 

Community implies that its people have common characteristics. The idea behind creating a community is to work for a cause that is greater than each individual. Its purpose has nothing to do with showing that someone is "the most helpful" or "caring" person. 

However  this shouldn't come as a surprise knowing that narcissists are well known for twisting things around and destroying words like honor and altruism. 

Words definitely don't match true intentions when it comes to a communal narcissist.

More on this in today's video: 
English here Spanish here.



Sunday, October 27, 2019

Why You Shouldn't Avoid the Word "Victim"



Realizing you were a victim is key to healing. It allows for self compassion and facilitates the grieving process.


The victim being codependent or less assertive, or even having a hard time setting boundaries does not excuse the narcissist from the abusive behavior.

One thing has nothing to do with the other. 

This is how disordered individuals relate to the world, regardless of the positive or negative qualities, strengths or weaknesses of the victim. 

Codependent or not, assertive or not, psychopaths and highly narcissistic people see others as objects to be used as long as that object brings valuable supply. When that is no longer the case then that object is discarded.

Today's video 



Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Dysfunctional Family Dynamics: 3 Rigid Roles Children Can Be Reduced Into




Being true-to-yourself is a luxury that's impossible to afford when it comes to children of dysfunctional families.

In the case of narcissistic families, where one or two parents are so inclined, children are forced into playing strict roles. If they'd fail to comply, the consequences of "rebellion" would be so negative that the child sees no other way but to reduce himself or herself to the imposed role. 

In today's video (English here, Spanish here) I explain 3 roles that are typical in a narcissistic family dynamic: the Scapegoat (or black sheep), the Invisible Child, and the Golden Child.

For many, realizing they have been caged in such rigid roles is the beginning of their healing work and freedom.


Monday, October 14, 2019

Why is Setting Boundaries so Difficult ?!


In today's video you will find out why it's so hard to set boundaries but for now let's look at 10 key concepts that'll help you set them happily and guilt free.



1. Get rid of that Slave Mentality (watch video for more on this)

2. Know what you want, like, dislike, and what you will and will not tolerate from others.

3. A boundary is a NO

4. Be OK with making mistakes

5. Having boundaries is your right

6. Boundaries are there to protect you

7. You were conditioned to say yes when you really wanted to say no

8. You are not responsible for other people's moods and reactions

9. You can only control yourself and your actions (barely! right?) so now read        #8 one more time

10. Once you start setting healthy boundaries you will see how your 
      self-esteem and your "joie de vivre" go up and up...


Saturday, October 5, 2019

The Best Way to Deal With The Smear Campaign

Who'd have thought that the solution to a lot of problems is doing those things that are conducive to happiness?

In these 3 videos (below) today I talk about this in the face of a Smear Campaign. I also explain how to handle flying monkeys and the mindset that will help you understand that this so called smear campaign is short lived and unimportant.

In the first video you'll see why being happy is key and what are flying monkeys.

The second video explains the psychological mechanism that takes place when Narcissistic people gossip and feed lies to the flying monkeys.

And if you want to practice Spanish the third video is for you! 😊

See you there!


Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Answering Some Questions...


Happy October!

Here's my latest video where I answer some questions I got about varied narcissism related topics.

I dedicated a lot of this video to answering Parental Alienation questions and I hope you find it useful!

In the meantime, let me tell you that I'm in the process of learning to upload blog posts to my website  so I'll let you know when that happens!

I hope you enjoy the videos in English and in Castellano (Español).

Saturday, September 7, 2019

How To Protect Your Energy from Toxic People?























When in the company of highly narcissistic individuals we tend to feel drained, down, sad, insecure and doubtful. 

In essence we feel depleted of our life force, of our energy.

Why?

Because when you are in contact with a narcissist you are used as a "human battery". 

If you are in a relationship with a psychopath or a narcissist, to them you have one, and only one purpose: narcissistic supply

Your reaction to their pity ploys, lies, accusations, and all the manipulation tactics that you can think of are what they live by.

In today's video I insist on the importance of protecting your energy and why we would benefit immensely from letting our energy guide us to what is good for us and what is not.

So, if you ask me, the best way to protect your energy is to reduce contact. If you can go no contact, great, if not, reduce it as much as possible.

Remember what Robert Hare says: 

"If you see a psychopath, RUN"

Freud said something that makes a lot of sense as well: 

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression, or low self-esteem, make sure you are not, in fact,  surrounded by jerks"






Sunday, September 1, 2019

What is EMDR ?



Francine Shapiro had lived a very traumatic event but walking in a park in California she discovered a way to feel better about it. 

She realized that if she looked sideways while recalling this traumatic event she instantly felt better. 

After studying this and realizing that there was a connection between REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and our processing of traumatic events, she developed EMDR. 

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is based on the assumption that during REM sleep we process what we lived during the day. If we lived very negative events, REM is no longer able to process such negative events, generating trauma. 

EMDR, with an 80 to 90 % success rate, is considered a highly effective therapy for reducing or eliminating PTSD symptoms. 

Statistics have shown that when it comes to specific traumatic events, such as a car accident, a rape, an assault, or any other single traumatic event, this type of treatment can reduce PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms significantly. 

You can learn more about this and how it compares with other therapies when it comes to CPTSD and Narcissistic Abuse in these videos: In English and In Spanish.








Sunday, August 25, 2019

What is DARVO ?




Knowing about this manipulation tactic will increase the possibility of not being tricked by offenders playing the victim role this is why it's so important for you to know about this.

Jennifer Freyd defined DARVO as 

"DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation." 

D stands for DENY (the accusation of the victim)
A stands for ATTACK (the victim)
R stands for REVERSE (roles)
V stands for VICTIM 
O stands for OFFENDER

This sounds all too familiar to victims of covert narcissists, psychopaths, and narcissists. 

These types of interactions where the wrong doings of the psychopath are projected onto the real victim are exactly what targets of narcissistic abuse have to deal with every-single-day.

More on this in today's video.




Saturday, August 17, 2019

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse



Today I wanted to share three things to consider when healing from an abusive relationship.

It takes time

At least 2 years of consistent therapy to work on any symptoms of CPTSD and on any personal issues that may be present.

During the first year you have to see positive changes and you should start to feel better. If not, consider talking about this with your therapist or maybe try to find a different therapist that can resonate better with you.

No Contact is King 🤴 

Maintaining no contact is a measure of personal protection. 

It doesn't mean that you are angry, you are disrespectful, or that you are taking revenge against the toxic person. It means that you love yourself enough to set this boundary and protect yourself from an abusive person.

If you can't go full no contact, minimize communications via e-mail.

Self-Care is Queen 👸 :)

You have been through A LOT. 

You are currently fragile emotionally and physically.

Use the power of self love to boost your healing progress. 

It's essential that you eat good foods, exercise lightly regularly (yoga is awesome for the traumatized brain) and sleep well.







Friday, August 9, 2019

What Happens When You Go Back With a Narcissist?







When in doubt, stick to the list!

My full answer is in today's video but first let me give you a simple exercise you can do at home, that will bring you clarity and will help you decide for yourself.

Write a list.

Write a list of things you remember from this relationship that were draining emotionally, events that made you feel less than, devalued, alone, things this person did to you that hurt you deeply. 

That will be your "reality check list" that will help you beat the cognitive dissonance blues.

And then you'll know...


Saturday, August 3, 2019

5 Myths About Codependency





Codependency as defined by Leign:

"...is a pattern of compulsive behaviors that is motivated by a dependency on another's approval and is designed to find a sense of safety identity and self-worth."

It's a set of behaviors that make us want to please and always say yes to loved ones in order to avoid negative affect, even if it means that we are saying no to ourselves. 

This way of behaving in the world diminishes our capacity to be assertive, weakens our boundaries, and makes it very difficult for us to be in contact with what we want, and how we feel, because the focus is always on loved ones.

Meanwhile, psychopathic narcissists will prey upon everyone. They'll try. Some people will be easier preys, others not so easy. Some may get a scratch others may get depleted. 

Codependents are the easier prey. In today's video (English) I explain why. There's also a Spanish version here... if you are interested.

But keep in mind: codependent or not, narcissists look for supply, no matter who gives it to them.



 

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

The Inner Critic



Have you ever felt as if you had toxic people renting space in your head? 

Or maybe you assumed that the negative self talk was just yourself thinking?

Either way The Inner Critic is responsible for your own harsh judgements aimed at yourself.

The inner critic is made of "shoulds", "musts", "don'ts", and when a person has been through abuse he or she will have an inflamed inner critic

This harsh critic aggressively replays the abuser's voice reminding the victim of how "inadequate", and "incapable" he or she is. 

It can take years of therapy to silence the Inner Critic. The good news is that there are things you can do about it and in today's video  I give you 4 strategies you can start putting into practice now.


Saturday, July 20, 2019

Your Exceptional Qualities




People that have been abused by a malignant narcissist end up blaming themselves for not having boundaries, not being assertive enough, being too giving, too nice, being weak, not enough, defectiveWhen in reality that's exactly what the abuser wants you to believe, and then, in turn, morph into that (gaslighting 101

In today's video I wanted to give voice to the qualities that a predator personality looks for in a target. 


Someone with a cluster B personality disorder, will use and abuse a target's resilience for example, until there's not much left to get supply from. 

Attributes like empathy, hope for the future, hope for the abuser's future to be exact, kindness, altruism, and intelligence, are all necessary ingredients for an abundant and long lasting "supply". Narcissists don't look for weak people, they want someone that will remain in the relationship, no matter what.

I tend to get a bit crossed with the injustice of these issues so you may find that the video will be more representative of that wired up side of me 😊 


 

Saturday, July 13, 2019

5 Manipulation Tactics That Narcissists Use



"Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force, but through persistence." -Ovid, 0034-

1) Dripping 

I singled out this manipulation tactic all by myself, thank you very much... and called it dripping because, like Ovid, I've witnessed the power of persistence. 

Persistence used in a productive way is so powerful and amazingly positive. However, if one uses it to the detriment of others, it can be deadly.

Dripping would be your cult-like brainwashing repetition of calculated comments and ideas that are handcrafted to mold someone else's values, beliefs, and reality. Dripping happens over a long period of time.

This includes comments, said ever so subtly, about your friends, family or even about core values, and beliefs. Always purposefully trying to shift your perception on people, and ideas that usually are dear to you and that the narcissist really wants you to change. 
I believe this is how they try to change your reality and values.

Other ways this happens is by insisting on the same story that they want you to buy, which is 85 percent a lie. This is one of the ways they recruit flying monkeys.

Another example of this happens when narcissists engage in Parental Alienation which is incredibly damaging to children and would deserve a blog post of its own. 

The rest of the tactics I mentioned in the video  were defined in the book "In Sheep's Clothing" by Dr. George Simon. I recommend this book if you are interested in learning more about these issues.

2) Reality Distortions (Lying by Omission and Lying by Avoiding Details)

3) Playing the Victim and Vilifying the Victim

4) Projecting the Blame.

5) Diversion.


Friday, July 5, 2019

Self-Esteem



Love for the self: easy to understand, more difficult to get. 

Good news though. Building self-esteem is a process and you can always work on yourself and get more of it!

How to build it then? 

Well, start by watching the video below

One thing is for sure. You'll leave the video being more assertive thanks to the amazing Virginia Satir, who also wrote about the thinking behind assertiveness, and said just what we needed to hear in order for us to really own it.

Some therapists swear by mirror work. A movement led by the super smart and equally sweet Louise Hay.

Others, like Martin Seligman, who discovered learned helplessness,  have a completely different view of what makes a person have good self-esteem. 

"I believe that self esteem is just a meter that reads out the state of the system. It is not an end in itself. When you are doing well in school or work, when you are doing well with the people you love, when you are doing well in play, the meter will register high. When you are doing badly, it will register low."

Nathaniel Branden, the author of Six Pillars of Self Esteem  believes that self-esteem is...


"...the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It's the confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think."


Whichever is your favorite definition, I hope you'll find the tools you need to start your self- esteem building journey.



Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Overcome Cognitive Dissonance



Have you ever felt overwhelmed by two conflicting beliefs regarding a decision you need to make?

That's cognitive dissonance

In the case of targets of abuse this is exponentially worse if we add the traumatic bond issue to the equation.

Last week I received quite a few questions regarding this issue through my Facebook page, my email and also DMs on Instagram. I thought I had to make this video

This is a very common situation to be in. 

A highly narcissistic person loves to play the blaming game and spends actual time of the day creating "semi real" pity ploys. That's just how they roll.

So it doesn't come as a surprise when targets of abuse come to therapy concerned about being narcissists themselves!

People that are currently struggling to understand whether they are in an abusive relationship or not, or even if they are themselves narcissistic will benefit from today's video.

Take care!

Alina


Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Tips for Co Parenting with a Highly Narcissistic Person




Co parenting with a narcissist is a devastating reality for many moms around the globe. Devastating because any type of interaction with these covert passive aggressive predators will leave a toll on your emotional health.

And yet, you have to deal with them.

What is the Grey Rock Technique?

It consists of presenting yourself as boring as a rock: emotionless, and uninteresting.

Why?

So that the narcissist won't be able to get supply from you. Supply being your emotions, your attention, your concern for them, pity, anger, and so on. Supply is the reason why abusers abuse. 

Maintaining their grandiosity takes a lot of work for them. They make up stories of injustice, presenting themselves as victims, they distort the truth, and other manipulation tactics that provoke a range of emotions in the victim. 

When they finally achieve their goal, which is to make the victim feel devalued, angry and confused, that's when their grandiosity levels rise back up. 

Victim feels devalued, abuser feels "more than". 

When they get finally obtain the attention, positive or negative, from the victim, again, they regulate their psychological state. So any emotion that you interchange is "food" for the abuser.

The Grey Rock technique is a good alternative for when No Contact is not one hundred percent possible.


Thursday, June 13, 2019

What Happens to Victims of Narcissistic Abuse After It's Over ?




Most survivors of abuse feel inadequate and weird because they are experiencing feelings that are completely foreign to the person they used to be. 

They also seek to understand what has happened to them and what they are experiencing after the abuser is gone.

In today's video 

  • What is CPTSD? 
  • What are Flashbacks?
  • What are Triggers?
  • What is Dissociation? 
  • What are the symptoms?
Complex PTSD is what can happen to victims of Narcissistic Abuse after enduring abuse and gaslighting from their partners or family during a long period of time. Survivors of cults and prisoners of war are included in this category of PTSD.

It usually involves continuous reliving of the traumatic events through Flashbacks that can last minutes, hours or days.

CPTSD happens as a consequence of enduring psychological trauma that is chronic and repeated in time and that is inescapable for the victim. 


Thursday, June 6, 2019

Mental Health Tips


Recovery or not, these tips I explain in today's video will help you live a more rounded and healthy life. If you are interested in growing as a person, evolving into a psychologically healthier individual, then have a watch! 

Narcissistic abuse is extremely damaging: physically and psychologically. Yes physically as well!

There are many physical changes that take place that are not that obvious to the untrained eye. 

At a brain level, psychological abuse causes the hippocampus to shrink and victims experience short term memory loss, a huge disconnect from their emotions and a LOT of brain "fog".

Narcissistic abuse can also cause weight gain, hormonal imbalance, and gut problems. Of course stress is to blame for this. 

It's such a stressing environment for victims that they can develop CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which can take a long time to subside even with professional help.

I will be explaining what CPTSD is in future videos. Stay tuned!


Saturday, June 1, 2019

Raising Awareness


I usually upload videos every Wednesday but since today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day I thought I'd go over:


  • What is Normal or Healthy Narcissism
  • What is Narcissistic Abuse 


If you want to help raise awareness of this type of invisible abuse I'd be very grateful if you could subscribe, like and share the video!

Thank you for reading this blog!

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

The Covert Aggressive and Silence Used as a Manipulation Technique























Someone asked me recently if covert narcissists use silence as a manipulation technique. My answer is yes! they do. 

This is a manipulation tactic that is usually used in combination with many others such as lying, denial, and withholding, to name a few.

They do lie an awful LOT, deny things they said or did, or are doing at that moment, and they also withhold information constantly. The tricky thing is that you only find out they were lying after the abuse has taken place, maybe even way after you leave the relationship, or after they discard you.

They also do silent treatments where they don't talk to their partner. This is done with the intent of controlling the victim even more, and keeping him or her waiting for the narcissist to talk to them, completely confused and devalued. The victim is therefore engaged in an unending loop of worry and misunderstandings providing the narcissist with continuous narcissistic supply.

More on this in today's new video.


Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Feeling the Feels Heals































**Amazing Comics by Joan Chan @justcomics_official in Hong Kong.  Follow Her on Instagram!


Have you ever noticed how after a good old session of crying you feel better, lighter?

There's a biological reason for that where we get rid of pent up adrenaline, and other stress hormones which produces an analgesic effect.

But psychologically it's also always a good idea to have a good cry. It's important to "feel the feels" quite regularly. We could face major "volcanic eruptions" of feelings if we don't pay mindful attention at what we are feeling.

Here's the link to today's video in case you want to know "Why does the Narcissist Flaunt his or her new partner?"


Thursday, May 16, 2019

How to Break Learned Helplessness.












Have you ever felt stuck? 

Sometimes we do have a pretty good idea of what we should be pursuing or doing but we just can't move forward. It's as if we are frozen. 

This happens a lot with victims of abuse. 

Any type. Emotional, physical, sexual.

This behavior is a psychological phenomenon called learned helplessness that was discovered by Martin Seligman in 1972 when he was conducting a series of experiments with dogs.

This reaction to an incoherent and adverse environment is ONE of the many things that makes it so hard for victims of abuse to move on. 

If you want to learn more about this and how to overcome it you can do so by following THIS link to the video.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Empaths, Codependents, HSPs & The Dynamic With Narcissists.




Although the dynamic and definition of each concept is explained in today's video I wanted to let you know that if you consider yourself to be in any of these categories: Empath, Highly Sensitive Person, or Codependent, you can always work to feel better in your own skin and change those behaviors that are not serving you.

These three types share one key gift. Empathy. They have the power to make people feel good and I believe it's what we all need more of on this earth.

The good news is also that, unlike narcissism, highly empathic people tend to be great candidates for therapy. This means that you can always work on changing certain behaviors that don't bring you health and wellbeing. 

Would you consider yourself to be highly empathic?


Thursday, May 2, 2019

" How Can I Resist a Hoover? " & Other Interesting Questions From My Viewers...





Hi! I hope you're having a stress free end of the week. 

I thought I'd tell you about my viewers on YouTube. They are really awesome and leave the most intelligent questions I could ever imagine. Really!

Some of them know so much about this that I'm sometimes speechless after reading the comments and only one word comes to mind: "WOW". :D

Anyhow... In today's video I answer some of the questions that came up in my last Hoovering video. 

Oh and regarding the question in the title of this blogpost, "How Can I Resist a Hoover", let me tell you this... 

You can definitely resist a hoover and here's how:

  1. Having a good support system.Friends, family, groups of people that are supportive (for a change...)
  2. Getting counseling? That'd help a lot because you'd begin to take your life back and realize how this person doesn't deserve an inch of your attention.
  3. Engaging in self care, prioritizing YOU. More on that every Friday on my Instagram.
  4. Learning about Narcissism and the dynamics of an abusive relationship.