Monday, December 24, 2018

Happy Holidays!






















How are you spending your Holidays? 

I'm going away during the Holidays! So I will be more active on Instagram and on YouTube with a couple of live video surprises over there. 

I still can't believe I'm travelling to another continent again this year. Hint hint, surprise, surprise! muahahaha!

But for now please find below a short new video (in English and in Spanish!) where I explain why no contact is necessary for people that are recovering from Narcissistic Abuse.

The blog will resume to its normal weekly schedule when I come back home by mid January. But feel free to explore it while I'm out! :D

In other news, if you haven't already read Hygge The Danish Way To Live Well, and you are a coziness enthusiast, as I am, I completely recommend you getting this book! What a treat! 

Warm wishes for this Holiday Season. May you find your true talents in the upcoming year and if you have already found them, may you invest time and energy to share them with the world. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Alina 



Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Psychotherapists: Please Stop Assuming Victims of Emotional Abuse are Codependent


I never thought I'd be standing, and smiling, beside a sign that says "Zero Love" But believe me, life makes sure you learn what you are here to learn. And then you smile...

The pic above corresponds to the day I attended Amor Zero workshop. About two weeks ago. Amor Zero - which means Zero Love - is a book that provides tools for surviving romantic relationships with psychopaths. 

I was actually very happy that day (hence the grin on my face, ha!) because it was such an interesting conference. 

The author of the book, Dr. Iñaki Piñuel, clearly has a vast experience treating and studying victims of emotional abuse, and makes sure you leave the room with, at least, two very clear ideas.

1) It wasn't love.
2) Run. "If you meet a psychopath, run" -Hare. Psychopaths don't get better with therapy and if you stay in such a relationship you will loose yourself and your identity while doing so.

What really bothers the author of the book is when people automatically diagnose the victim as a codependent, and I couldn't agree more. Victims of emotional abuse don't need to be re victimized by the therapist. They need to realize they have been abused, manipulated, and hurt by people that are highly skilled in doing so. Why? because they didn't know the signs that let you know you are dealing with a psychopath. 

This is one of the main reasons why I want to share this book with the English speaking community. 

I explain Dr. Piñuel's view of the victim of emotional abuse in this video, and I recommend you reading the book if you are interested in learning about psychopathy and malignant narcissism.

Thank you for watching and reading!



Saturday, December 15, 2018

How Often Do You Change Your Hairstyle?





Ever since I was a child I'd spend weeks, sometimes even months, planning my next hair cut. I remember, as a teenager, saving cutout photos from magazines so that I could show them to my hairdresser. Way before Pinterest!  

I'd drive my parents and brother absolutely crazy showing them different styles for weeks on end. Poor souls... 

I've always loved changing my hairstyle, not the color, just the cut. Exhibit A, exhibit B.

I think that this passion for haircuts has never really left me. It's just another way of having fun if you ask me. I believe that everything beauty and style related definitely counts as self-care! Don't you think?

So yeah. New hair. New Video. Same old me though...

I'm curious to know. Are you the type of person that keeps the same haircut for life? I have a friend like that. Or are you a chronic hairstyle changer like me?

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Beautiful (and quiet?) Buenos Aires


Last Saturday I attended a conference in the heart of the city of Buenos Aires, a few blocks away from the Obelisco, and I can safely say I'm back in love with my city.

What usually puts me off about downtown is that it's excessively busy. 

However, this conference, which of course I'll tell you all about in an upcoming blog post, was held on a Saturday, and since Argentina is a Catholic country, December 8 is a Holiday: day of the Immaculate Conception. I'd never seen Buenos Aires City so quiet!




I still can't believe there weren't any cars in these pics! 




































Anyways...I just wanted to report that Buenos Aires is looking especially nice these days in case you ever want to venture into visiting these southern lands.

Have a great week!


Alina




Thursday, November 29, 2018

Covert vs Overt Narcissism

"It isn't what we say or think that defines us, but what we do." Jane Austen 

What covert narcissists say almost never match up with their actions. Looking at people's actions can help you discern whether or not you are dealing with a toxic person. 

Having said that, covert narcissists can give the illusion of helpers, "good Samaritans", you get the idea, so be knowledgeable of wolves in sheep clothing. 

There's this preconception that a narcissist is a vane person who likes to look in the mirror a lot, and only loves him or herself. 

With that in mind I filmed today's video.

The diagnostic criteria for narcissism includes nine traits so it's more complex than "them loving themselves too much". Mental health professionals use the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) as a guide for diagnoses. I've talked more in detail before here if you are interested. 

Today I wanted to specifically share what it feels like to be in contact with a covert narcissist, and what signs you can look for in order to put theory into practice.  

If you are going to take anything from the video take this: honor how you feel during the interaction with these personalities. If you find yourself justifying their behavior a lot, you are probably dealing with a toxic person. 


Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Custom Made Jealousy: Narcissistic Triangulation



What happens when you aren't usually a jealous person but suddenly you feel as if you've turned into a spy?

Narcissistic triangulation can be fabricated by the highly psychopathic or narcissistic person in different ways and always involves other people. 

I covered one of the dynamics in the Flying Monkeys video where other people are literally used to accuse you of made up things, ideas, behaviors, and so on. 

The other way narcissists triangulate happens within a romantic relationship and it's the one I explain in today's video. 

It's a "custom made" scene for you to feel dependent, jealous, and less than, sinking you deeper into the cycle of abuse, invaded by self doubt, confusion and cognitive dissonance.

Distance yourself from this. There's nothing to be explained, understood or put up with. Regain your sanity. Don't engage.


Friday, November 16, 2018

Guess What ?



I've been secretly filming videos in Spanish! Muahahaha...

In Castellano, to be exact. 

I wanted to add to my private practice as a Counselor by giving more resources to my clients but all my videos were in English. I also wasn't sure whether I should upload them to my regular channel, so...

I decided to create a second YouTube channel, in Spanish !
























It's called Terapia Grupal (Group Therapy). 

At the moment it's very (very, very) small but if you want to listen to a native Argentinian and / or just support yours truly, please subscribe and that would be just awesome. If you don't feel like refreshing your Spanish skills that's totally fine too.

I also changed my first channel's - Eclectic Alu - art. I wanted to unify both in a way so I went for a very similar idea...
























On a completely different note. I'm making these brownies today for my kids.

It's a colder Spring day today so I thought I'd make the best of it. Of course in my world when you "make the most" of something, you must always include two things: 


1) Earl Grey Tea or Coffee 

2) Baked goods ( muffins, brownies, or cake will do).


That's all I wanted to say for now. 

Have a joyful weekend!


Alina



Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Why All That Drama?






















In today's video I tell you how I view the drama that surrounds toxic people and why I think they create it.

In short:

  1. That's how they get you to react.
  2. When you react emotionally, they get Narcissistic Supply from you.
  3. Schadenfreude: which means - believe it or not - taking joy in other peoples' suffering or misfortune.


I also explain the best ways to deal with it and a bit about no contact and co-parenting.

See you soon!