Sunday, February 16, 2020

Unconditional Love? For Whom?



Unconditional love for you.

Unconditional love for your kids.

That's my answer!

Happy Valentine's Day... belated. 

Link to "Respect Yourself Video"






































Amor Incondicional para quienes?

Para vos.

Y para tus hijos.

Esa es mi respuesta!

Felíz día de San Valentín ( atrasado :)

Link para el video sobre "Respetate..."


Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Time to Respect Yourself



Today's video (in English and in Spanish) is about the Double Bind Theory and how to identify ways in which abusive people twist your reality in order to... well, yup, abuse you.

But since I explained all this in the videos I wanted to write today about a more positive and uplifting thought that I believe could help you get out of the crazy, disengage from the soul sucking dynamic of drama!

Center yourself in gratitude.

Bring your attention back to you.

Leave the craziness behind for a moment and breathe.

Feeling good, calm, and in peace can be your normal state as you go through challenges, work, happy times, and life.

Connect with what makes you happy, what is joyful to you, with cool challenges ahead, with your self care discipline.

Don't let energy sucking vampires extract your supply.

Veer away from drama and engage in normal, coherent, congruent and true.

That's all for today!

See you soon!


Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Hope


I wrote this Instagram Post the other day inspired by questions like the following:


"Will I ever feel like myself again?" "Can you actually overcome CPTSD?"

One of the many symptoms of C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is feelings of hopelessness. (Blog post on CPTSD here!)

Believe it or not. You will feel content again, or maybe even for the first time. 

Keep working for it. It's like everything else in life. Where you put the effort and attention that's where you will see positive changes. 

Do not expect this to happen faster than it should. We all have different things to work through and it takes time. 

Know that you will overcome it but be warned, once you heal and evolve you become a 2.0 version of yourself. Which is pretty cool if you ask me.

New videos about "Guilt and Hoovering" below in English and in Spanish.

Sunday, December 29, 2019

One Of The Most Important Things To Understand About Narcissism




A One Person Cult

Being in a narcissistically abusive relationship is very much like being in a cult.

Once you digest this piece of information you begin to understand what happened and then the pieces of the puzzle start fitting together.

One of the pieces of the puzzle is why you sometimes doubt wether you are the narcissist or not. 

"Am I The Narcissist?" Find 3 reasons why you may be feeling like you are more narcissistic than before in today's video and stick to the end to learn more about the similarities between cults and narcissistic abuse.

Love bombing is an expression that comes from a cult, "the Moonies" would love bomb their victims to seduce them and gain more members.

Brainwashing is another one! Erasing your identity, your individuality and your own values and ideas about the world in order to mold them to what a cult wants/needs you to believe.

Tactics like putting people into a trance (aka dissociating) out of, for example, exhaustion in order to instill ideas into their minds are some other manipulative tactics cults use. 

Sounds familiar?


Being in an abusive relationship has a lot in common with being in a cult. 

I'll let you process that for now.

For more on this watch today's video!



Sunday, December 22, 2019

Miss Me... Miss Me Not






















Hi 👋it's me again!

Last week a viewer of my videos wanted to know if the narcissistic ex partner missed her. 

I sensed some cognitive dissonance with a dash of hoovering weakness in her comment :/ so I thought a video addressing that question was in order. 

Watch the video here

For the record, cognitive dissonance is a very confusing state to be in. It can be, not only psychologically, but physically painful to not be able to decide what's really going on. 

When two conflicting beliefs are sustained at the same time we need one thing above all: objective thinking based on facts.

Easier said than done though, right?

I hope this video helps in that department!






Hola, soy yo otra vez 👋 !

La semana pasada me preguntaron si era posible que los narcisistas extrañen a sus ex parejas.

Me pareció que una explicación iba a poder ayudar a reducir la disonancia cognitiva y la probabilidad de ceder a un intento de hoovering.

La disonancia cognitiva es un estado muy molesto y hasta puede verse reflejado físicamente. 

El sostener dos creencias opuestas al mismo tiempo hace que necesitemos claridad en el pensamiento y esto es con lo que intento ayudar en este video.

Espero que sea de utilidad!


Sunday, December 15, 2019

Understand Narcissistic Envy & Regain Your Self Esteem





In the aftermath of narcissistic abuse the victim is left with a mixture of negative emotions, feelings and symptoms that linger even after reducing or eliminating contact with the abuser. 

These symptoms are: a loss of a previously joyful and empowered sense of self, pronounced loss of identity, acute low self-esteem, deep shame, and hopelessness.


In today's video: Narcissistic Envy, I explain one of the most powerful reasons why this happens for victims of narcissistic abuse, and how understanding this dynamic can help victims start feeling better about themselves.


Believe it or not this complex emotion is at the root of what drives narcissistic behavior.


P.S. Why You'd Benefit from Not Avoiding the Word "Victim".




En gran parte, lo que sufre una víctima luego del abuso narcisista, sobre todo encubierto, es una mezcla de sensaciones y síntomas que la acompañan incluso luego de haber reducido el contacto o luego de haber logrado el contacto cero.

Estos síntomas son: la pérdida de un sentido del yo que anteriormente era alegre, jovial y energético, pérdida de identidad, vergüenza patológica, baja autoestima y sensación de desesperanza profunda, entre muchos otros.

En el video de hoy: Envidia Narcisista, espero que encuentren un alivio para estos sentimientos tan marcados al entender porqué dentro de la comprensión de esta dinámica se encierra la clave para empezar a sentirse mejor.

Esta emoción es una de las causas principales de muchos de los comportamientos de una persona con altos niveles de narcisismo en su estructura de personalidad.


Friday, December 6, 2019

How Yoga Heals The Brain



Trauma is stored in the body. It's about your body getting stuck in traumatic events that happened in the past.

Trauma can show up in the form of increased heart rate and pain. Sometimes feelings are frightening and our brain copes with this unbearable reality by dissociating or with feelings of numbness.


Along comes yoga!

Movement. The opposite of being stuck. Feeling good. Breathing. Strength. Positive sensations. Meditation. 

Suddenly the traumatized person regains feelings of safety in the body.

Recent studies showed that yoga changes (heals actually) structures in the brain returning them to normal. Such is the case of the hippocampus. (More on that in today's video) (Video en Castellano here )

The recommendation is that you do, at least, 10 minutes of yoga most days of the week, during 6 weeks to see these benefits.


Statistically speaking yoga is more effective than any medication used to manage PTSD. (Check out Bessel Van der Kolk research)

Just in case you don't know about my favorite Yoga teacher online. Take a look at Yoga With Adriene on Youtube. You can build a very entertaining (she's fun!) daily practice with her free yoga videos.

Namaste! 🙏 

(Meaning of Namaste: I bow to the place in you that is love, light, and joy; and The awesome in me recognizes the awesome in you)

Alina


Yoga and Psychology . My Feel Good Workout (Yoga with Adriene)

Friday, November 22, 2019

Healthy Relationships: Normal is the new Sexy




After being in contact with highly narcissistic people you come to 2 major conclusions: 


  • 1) You are required to make a paradigm shift in your life.


There's a cost to giving your power, your health, your time, and good intentions to people that show you, over and over again, that your "life juice" is what they are after (aka narcissistic supply) people that want to steal your spark, your "joie de vivre", your joy. 

That cost comes in the form of your mental and physical health.


  • 2) From the moment you decide that you are no longer putting up with people like that you become an expert in detecting healthy people!


Since you already know how much you can loose by associating with narcissistic people, your boundaries become your best allies. 

I hope this video can help you detect Normal people like a boss. 

Who'd have known... Normal is the new cool.