Thursday, April 25, 2019

The Arrogant Chameleon Syndrome

A chameleon is a reptile that has the ability to change color to match its surroundings in order to avoid detection.

Similarly, the malignant narcissist and the psychopath will morph into whatever it's needed at the time for him or her to achieve his or her goal which usually involves flying under the radar of those being abused.

It's noteworthy how trying to have an adult conversation with a disordered individual of the sort about the fact that will prove they are in the wrong is like trying to reason with a brick wall. There's just no trace of remorse or guilt or emotion there, nothing like that at all.  

What they'll do instead is divert the conversation to more neutral grounds or just simply blame YOU for it!

Rabon, 2006 says: "confronting the pathological person with facts and details that are contrary to his assertions is like nailing jell-o to a wall"

There are other ways these folks maneuver to avoid detection that are explained in this video  !

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Post Traumatic Growth

Although today's video gives a detailed description of what covert narcissism is and what a victim of this type of abuse endures, I felt like writing about a more inspiring side of narcissistic abuse which is: post traumatic growth.

Post Traumatic Growth is a positive psychological change experienced as a result of adversity and other challenges in order to rise to a higher level of functioning.These circumstances represent significant challenges to the adaptive resources of the individual, and pose significant challenges to their way of understanding the world and their place in it. Post traumatic growth involves "life-changing" psychological shifts in thinking and relating to the world, that contribute to a personal process of change, that is deeply meaningful. 
Source: Wikipedia

I believe post traumatic growth is the light at the end of the tunnel for victims of narcissistic abuse and for victims of any type of abuse or tragedy. 

This is basically why I absolutely love what I do and being a counselor. I believe wholeheartedly that these things definitely happen in life, but we have a very hard and difficult choice to make. We have to decide whether this will destroy us or it will be the push we need to step it up and grow exponentially: emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

Overcoming a tragedy, or abuse for that matter, is a devastating event. We feel lost, alone, empty, hopeless. 

For a while it's very hard to find our way. But with just enough help we are able to move past it and, believe it or not, understand that this was a disguised opportunity to evolve. 

You may not see it this way and you may be rolling your eyes as you read this right now. But I believe that if you work consistently to recover and heal you will agree with me soon enough.

You can take my word for it. It comes a time when you talk about these issues and are able to smile and appreciate what a long way you've come. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

"Why do narcissists come back after the discard?"

Hoovering is a term used to describe highly narcissistic people going back to old sources of supply. The victim is re idealized and love bombed in order to hook the person back into the cycle of abuse. 

Hoovering refers to the vacuum cleaner and is representative of how they suck you back in after no contact.

I was asked this exact questions many times so I'm answering it in today's video: "Why do they come back after they discarded me?"

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Develop a Warrior Mentality

Hello on a Sunday! 👋 👋 

I hope this post finds you well and recharged for the week ahead. If not, you still have time to do some self care practices. 

Breathe deeply...or relax and read a book, or... go for a walk...anything that you enjoy. Do this for at least half an hour and you will definitely feel better!

Now, let's move on to today's recommendation. 

If you have to remain in contact with a highly narcissistic person you may want to incorporate this concept to your every day life: A Warrior Mentality. Especially if you are coparenting.

A warrior mentality implies that we will protect all that we love and hold sacred.

A warrior mentality involves strength when things get difficult, being relentless in the pursuit of boundaries, mental health and self-care. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self-care. 

This video series will be about anticipating typical behaviors that toxic people engage in and how knowing what to expect will reduce the damaging consequences of this conduct. I

In this video: communicating with a toxic person. What to expect?

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

How to Respond to Victims of Narcissistic Abuse.

One of the worst things a victims of abuse can go through, besides being abused, is being re-victimized by people that are supposed to protect them: a friend, a family member, a lawyer.

But what's even worse, and way more damaging, is when this re-victimization comes from the therapist. When this happens it could delay the recovery for years. I've had clients that said that their previous therapist even did couples therapy with their former partner, for years! Working on the victim's "communication problems".

This is extremely damaging and should stop. One of the most important things a victim of abuse needs, if not the single most important one, is validation. The victim is continuously portrayed as guilty, bad, or is continuously wronged by the abuser. The last thing he or she needs is to feel guilty or wrong again in therapy.

More on this in today's video.