Showing posts with label cognitive dissonance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cognitive dissonance. Show all posts

Monday, June 8, 2020

This is Gaslighting: Systemic Racism



I lived in the US for 4 years. Growing up in Argentina I had travelled to the U.S. as a tourist more times than I can count. With my parents, as a kid, and as an adult on my own. I turned 18 in the most beautiful little town called Tollhouse, in California, during my 3 month stay as an exchange student. I absolutely loved it! 

I'd always admired the U.S. capacity for getting, things, done. Walt Disney World! The airport and its modern infrastructures and spaciousness. The U.S. Postal Services and how quick and reliable it was compared to Argentinian postal services at the time. Perfect highways and streets, gorgeous neighborhoods, shops and malls where you could get anything you can possibly want or need. I saw the US as this giant that gave job opportunities to so many people from all over the world.

I now believe that after graduating from Georgia State University I must have had cognitive dissonance. 
 
On one hand I had obtained my Masters degree and was blown away by the University and how much I'd learned about Counseling and about the US as a society.
9/11 terrorist attack unveiled highly empathic U.S. citizens reaching out to people in need. I witnessed compassion and a deep sense of community and solidarity. 

On the other hand, for the first time in decades the "omnipotent" imperious giant was vulnerable and afraid. Fear is not the best companion, you know?. It can make very bad decisions. I also saw how racism and xenophobia graduated from covert to a politically correct status during that time. 

The US had a big elephant in the room and its existence was being denied. 

Years later black people are still discriminated, mistreated, invalidated and ignored because of their skin color. Back then my teenage self was outraged and frustrated with that idea at the time. My adult self could not stand it. It was unsettling, unbearably suffocating. I remember feeling off whenever I stayed for too long in Atlanta without going back to my imperfect Buenos Aires to recharge batteries during Christmas break. I felt that a big part of the population in this previously idealized giant had a huge tacit flaw: narrow mindedness, grandiosity, shallowness, prejudice, ignorance and lack of empathy. 

Now I know this is gaslighting. This is abuse. 



Sunday, December 22, 2019

Miss Me... Miss Me Not






















Hi 👋it's me again!

Last week a viewer of my videos wanted to know if the narcissistic ex partner missed her. 

I sensed some cognitive dissonance with a dash of hoovering weakness in her comment :/ so I thought a video addressing that question was in order. 

Watch the video here

For the record, cognitive dissonance is a very confusing state to be in. It can be, not only psychologically, but physically painful to not be able to decide what's really going on. 

When two conflicting beliefs are sustained at the same time we need one thing above all: objective thinking based on facts.

Easier said than done though, right?

I hope this video helps in that department!






Hola, soy yo otra vez 👋 !

La semana pasada me preguntaron si era posible que los narcisistas extrañen a sus ex parejas.

Me pareció que una explicación iba a poder ayudar a reducir la disonancia cognitiva y la probabilidad de ceder a un intento de hoovering.

La disonancia cognitiva es un estado muy molesto y hasta puede verse reflejado físicamente. 

El sostener dos creencias opuestas al mismo tiempo hace que necesitemos claridad en el pensamiento y esto es con lo que intento ayudar en este video.

Espero que sea de utilidad!


Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Overcome Cognitive Dissonance



Have you ever felt overwhelmed by two conflicting beliefs regarding a decision you need to make?

That's cognitive dissonance

In the case of targets of abuse this is exponentially worse if we add the traumatic bond issue to the equation.

Last week I received quite a few questions regarding this issue through my Facebook page, my email and also DMs on Instagram. I thought I had to make this video

This is a very common situation to be in. 

A highly narcissistic person loves to play the blaming game and spends actual time of the day creating "semi real" pity ploys. That's just how they roll.

So it doesn't come as a surprise when targets of abuse come to therapy concerned about being narcissists themselves!

People that are currently struggling to understand whether they are in an abusive relationship or not, or even if they are themselves narcissistic will benefit from today's video.

Take care!

Alina


Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Wait...What?























"When you find no solution to a problem, it's probably not a problem to be solved, but rather a truth to be accepted"


Cognitive dissonance is the stress you go through when your beliefs are contradicted by new information. In the case of a relationship with a highly narcissistic person you will experience a lot of this stress when you start to understand what is really going on. You will be confronted with new evidence that completely destroys your core beliefs. This is not an easy process. It's even physically painful but I believe that the way to healing is by learning and educating yourself on Narcissism and Cluster B personality disorders, as well as taking advantage of other resources like therapy, talking to friends, or support groups.

Above all, be compassionate with yourself and take care!

You can watch the video here