This is Gaslighting: Systemic Racism

Watch the Systemic Racism Explained video here.

I lived in the US for 4 years. Growing up in Argentina I had travelled to the U.S. as a tourist more times than I can count. With my parents, as a kid, and as an adult on my own. I turned 18 in the most beautiful little town called Tollhouse, in California, during my 3 month stay as an exchange student. I absolutely loved it! 

I'd always admired the U.S. capacity for getting, things, done. Walt Disney World! The airport and its modern infrastructures and spaciousness. The U.S. Postal Services and how quick and reliable it was compared to Argentinian postal services at the time. Perfect highways and streets, gorgeous neighborhoods, shops and malls where you could get anything you can possibly want or need. I saw the US as this giant that gave job opportunities to so many people from all over the world.

I now believe that after graduating from Georgia State University I must have had cognitive dissonance. 

 

On one hand I had obtained my Masters degree and was blown away by the University and how much I'd learned about Counseling and about the US as a society.

9/11 terrorist attack unveiled highly empathic U.S. citizens reaching out to people in need. I witnessed compassion and a deep sense of community and solidarity. 

On the other hand, for the first time in decades the "omnipotent" imperious giant was vulnerable and afraid. Fear is not the best companion, you know?. It can make very bad decisions. I also saw how racism and xenophobia graduated from covert to a politically correct status during that time. 

The US had a big elephant in the room and its existence was being denied. 

Years later black people are still discriminated, mistreated, invalidated and ignored because of their skin color. Back then my teenage self was outraged and frustrated with that idea at the time. My adult self could not stand it. It was unsettling, unbearably suffocating. I remember feeling off whenever I stayed for too long in Atlanta without going back to my imperfect Buenos Aires to recharge batteries during Christmas break. I felt that a big part of the population in this previously idealized giant had a huge tacit flaw: narrow mindedness, grandiosity, shallowness, prejudice, ignorance and lack of empathy. 

Now I know this is gaslighting. This is abuse. 

What is DARVO ?

Knowing about this manipulation tactic will increase the possibility of not being tricked by offenders playing the victim role this is why it's so important for you to know about this.

Jennifer Freyd defined DARVO as 

"DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation." 

D stands for DENY (the accusation of the victim)
A stands for ATTACK (the victim)
R stands for REVERSE (roles)
V stands for VICTIM 
O stands for OFFENDER

This sounds all too familiar to victims of covert narcissists, psychopaths, and narcissists. 

These types of interactions where the wrong doings of the psychopath are projected onto the real victim are exactly what targets of narcissistic abuse have to deal with every-single-day.

More on this in today's video.

5 Manipulation Tactics That Narcissists Use

"Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force, but through persistence." -Ovid, 0034-

1) Dripping 

I singled out this manipulation tactic all by myself, thank you very much... and called it dripping because, like Ovid, I've witnessed the power of persistence. 

Persistence used in a productive way is so powerful and amazingly positive. However, if one uses it to the detriment of others, it can be deadly.

Dripping would be your cult-like brainwashing repetition of calculated comments and ideas that are handcrafted to mold someone else's values, beliefs, and reality. Dripping happens over a long period of time.

This includes comments, said ever so subtly, about your friends, family or even about core values, and beliefs. Always purposefully trying to shift your perception on people, and ideas that usually are dear to you and that the narcissist really wants you to change. 

I believe this is how they try to change your reality and values.

Other ways this happens is by insisting on the same story that they want you to buy, which is 85 percent a lie. This is one of the ways they recruit flying monkeys.

Another example of this happens when narcissists engage in Parental Alienation which is incredibly damaging to children and would deserve a blog post of its own. 

The rest of the tactics I mentioned in the video  were defined in the book "In Sheep's Clothing" by Dr. George Simon. I recommend this book if you are interested in learning more about these issues.

2) Reality Distortions (Lying by Omission and Lying by Avoiding Details)

3) Playing the Victim and Vilifying the Victim

4) Projecting the Blame.

5) Diversion.

Raising Awareness

I usually upload videos every Wednesday but since today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness day I thought I'd go over:

• What is Normal or Healthy Narcissism

• What is Narcissistic Abuse 

If you want to help raise awareness of this type of invisible abuse I'd be very grateful if you could subscribe, like and share the video!

Thank you for reading this blog!

Feeling the Feels Heals

**Amazing Comics by Joan Chan @justcomics_official in Hong Kong.  Follow Her on Instagram!


Have you ever noticed how after a good old session of crying you feel better, lighter?

There's a biological reason for that where we get rid of pent up adrenaline, and other stress hormones which produces an analgesic effect.

But psychologically it's also always a good idea to have a good cry. It's important to "feel the feels" quite regularly. We could face major "volcanic eruptions" of feelings if we don't pay mindful attention at what we are feeling.

Here's the link to today's video in case you want to know "Why does the Narcissist Flaunt his or her new partner?"