Why is Setting Boundaries so Difficult ?!

In today's video you will find out why it's so hard to set boundaries but for now let's look at 10 key concepts that'll help you set them happily and guilt free.



1. Get rid of that Slave Mentality (watch video for more on this)

2. Know what you want, like, dislike, and what you will and will not tolerate from others.

3. A boundary is a NO

4. Be OK with making mistakes

5. Having boundaries is your right

6. Boundaries are there to protect you

7. You were conditioned to say yes when you really wanted to say no

8. You are not responsible for other people's moods and reactions

9. You can only control yourself and your actions (barely! right?) so now read        #8 one more time

10. Once you start setting healthy boundaries you will see how your 

      self-esteem and your "joie de vivre" go up and up...

Why Is Mindfulness So Powerful?

*Photo Credit: my 14 year old son :D


Why do we need to practice being in the now? Right where you are. What benefits can we obtain from meditation? 

Neurological research on mindfulness, the practice of being in the present moment, shows many advantages to our health: a stronger immune system, better sleep, and a decrease in stress and cortisol levels in the brain. 

Negative cognitions and emotions, such as shame, shut down the brain. On the other hand, meditating on love and kindness physically changes the brain, sculpting and strengthening our neural pathways. 

Our brain flourishes on repeated good thoughts. Isn't this amazing?  

In today's video I try to remind myself why I need to meditate more, and keep doing yoga periodically, by sharing with you the benefits of being more mindful.

Breathe in... long breath out... you are already good at this! 

P.S. A Guided Breathing Meditation

Fill Your Cup Friday

I'm starting a Fill Your Cup Friday series of videos today in which I will be giving tips, ideas, and things you can do to know yourself more, feel better in your own skin, and just feel good. These are also great ways to heal from bad experiences, recover your self worth, or just be a happier version of yourself.

In today's video I mentioned the MBTI test, and how it can help you know yourself more so that you can be more forgiving and understanding of why you do what you do. Why you are the way you are. Everybody is different and this 16 personality types test is a great way to know your unique self.

There are also a few other updates. Thank you! Have a great weekend.

What is Covert Narcissism? Why do we need to know?

I wanted to specifically make a video about Covert Narcissism because it's the type of narcissism that is not obvious. The obvious one, overt type, would be the grandiose, flamboyant, highly narcissistic person who believes is better than the rest, and let's us know he or she is convinced about that. Easier to spot. 

However, the covert narcissist, in spite of sharing many of the qualities mentioned above (not flamboyant and flashy), is highly dangerous because it operates in a hidden manner. Back handed compliments, covert aggression, gaslighting, lies and manipulation abound when dealing with these people.  The thing is it's done pervasively over long periods of time and in a subtle, hidden (covert) way. So it's hard to realize you are dealing with one until the abuse is taking its toll.

Adults and children that stay in contact with family members that tick many of the boxes for a narcissism diagnosis develop serious health issues. It's like being on watch 24/7, like keeping your stress levels up all the time. Adult children of narcissistic parents live in a constant state of worry and guilt that destroys the immune system. Hormonal imbalance, anxiety, muscle pain, depression, insomnia, and irritable bowel syndrome, to name the most common.

By learning the signs we can be more aware, and by being aware we will have more power to spot them and be able to go no contact if possible, or set healthy boundaries.

Projection: " it's not me, it's you"

Have you ever received an accusation that was so far fetched that you thought it was completely crazy, so far from how you feel?

If you did, I'm pretty sure it was somebody else's projection.

In this video I explain what projection is and how this unconscious defense mechanism that we all have, enhances to toxic levels in emotionally abusive people and relationships.

How To Practice Mindfulness: Let's Go For A Walk.

Were you able to follow last week's 3 minute body scan meditation? In my case, although it sounds simple, it can be challenging to calm down this "restless monkey mind"!

As you may already know, these series of blog posts, on how to practice mindfulness, aim at providing you (and me) with tools to train your mind, and develop a set of skills to improve our overall well-being, while reducing negative emotions and hopefully respond with resilience to factors outside of our control.

Mindfulness of Walking

The principle to perform a walking meditation is similar to the one used for the body scan: basically bring awareness to what your body is doing. It's all about mindful meditative attention.

• If you prefer, and it's possible where you are, remove your shoes. Please don't go barefoot down a snow covered street, ha! Find a place, where you can walk for, at least 10 steps.  It could be outside, or in the comfort of your own home.

• Start by being still. Feel the connection of your feet to the ground. Notice your breath. Don't make any effort to change your breath flow. Simply notice how your body breathes.

• Notice your surroundings. Sounds? Sights? Smells? Is it cold? Hot? Let your thoughts and emotions be. Hold or clasp your hands at the front or at the back. Or let your arms be by your sides.

• Shift your weight to the left leg and move your right foot forward, feel your right foot hit the ground. Now shift your weight to the right leg and lift your left foot forward, repeating the process. (Yes, I am aware that you may already know how to walk, haha!)

• Continue with this mindful walking, paying attention to the soles of your feet, your heel, toe, heel toe moving, lifting, placing.

• Find your own rhythm. Notice your breath, your spine, your torso, your head over it, and your shoulders and arms.

• Notice any thoughts, become aware of them, and let them go by returning your attention to your mindful walking.

Now that you know what this is all about, next time you go on a walking trip to the store, try this technique. It's a great way to enjoy the experience of, actually having a body, that is able to take you places. 

As Dr. Seuss once said...Oh, The Places You'll Go!

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who will decide where to go..."

Let me know how your mindfulness practice goes! Have you tried any of these techniques yet? 

Stay tuned for next week's mindfulness practice post! It's one of those topics that extend to more meaningful levels of our daily lives...Hmm...very mysterious of me to put it that way.
  



P.S. How to mindfulness: Try This Easy Technique First and A Breathing Meditation. Also on Cultivating Well-Being. 

How To Practice Mindfulness: Try This Easy Technique First.

These series of weekly posts, about mindfulness techniques, will explain one technique per week in hopes that you (and me) will put them into practice, and may be check in next week to see how that went.   

First things first...What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts, your body, and feelings. It involves being in the present moment, with the experience, in a non judgmental way.  

What is it good for?

It's a powerful healing tool used for stress reduction, anxiety, sleep problems and many other clinical conditions.

How to Start? Easy Technique First.

I'd say, in order to ease into mindfulness, practice Informal Mindfulness. Have you ever multi tasked your way into the dining room, bringing more than you can handle to the table, only to realize, a few seconds later, that you have dropped half of what you were carrying and even managed to hit your thumb against a chair? (?!) I have! 

Informal mindfulness would be the exact opposite to multitasking. Single-tasking is achieved by doing one thing at a time and being fully present, paying attention to what ever it is that you are doing at a specific moment in time.

Leave the autopilot for another day. Start practicing mindfulness by engaging all your senses and be fully present when you pet your dog, drink your favorite cup of coffee, play a card game with your kids, or even do the dishes. Breathe, inhale and exhale peacefully while you are at it. Be fully present. Acknowledge moment to moment sensations. 

Put this into practice, cultivate mindfulness, by focusing your attention on your sensations during your everyday activities, and see what good things this technique unfolds. (No more thumb hitting for me, please!)

Stay tuned for more formal techniques next week! Have you ever practiced mindfulness? Are you keen on multitasking :/? 

P.S. Cultivating Well Being Series