Yoga and Psychology Have a Lot In Common

Although sometimes I do manage to come up with very creative ideas, I can hardly find any excuses to skip my Yoga With Adriene daily classes. Western medicine has been proving the benefits of Yoga on our physical and mental health for decades. 

From reducing anxiety and depression to regulating hormones in the stress response system, the ancient yogis knew exactly what they were doing. 

Given that Yoga is a meditation within a workout, you can experience the benefits immediately. Whenever I do a class, I know that day I'm going to be productive. Case closed. No need for fancy medicine papers. If you ever tried a yoga class you probably know, your body knows, and your overall mental state shows the blessing of "finding what feels good". 

I have to credit Adriene (yet again) because I honestly think I wouldn't be doing yoga if it weren't for her. I wrote in the past about how I had to go to the gym, pretty much like a zombie, completely forcing myself, knowing that I wouldn't enjoy any of the classes that I was mindlessly doing there. You name it: spinning, aerobics, weight training. 

Having said that, I'm open to try Tae Bo though. Being the grand daughter of a, very fit, amateur boxer, I guess I've always been curious about the training part, and I hope I can try that discipline soon, before I get too old!!  

In this video I found some similarities between yoga and psychology and rambled for quite a while about my yoga journey, apologies in advance. 

Healing From Emotionally Abusive Relationships & Wellbeing Tips

To prove that we shouldn't underestimate the power of a good dish washing 
session, I came up, while dedicating myself to this daily duty, with 4 tips that will help you move forward in your healing journey. This can also be applied to anybody that could benefit from diving into the benefits of well being.  

The 4 tips I mention in this video are:

1. Friends and Family
2. Therapy
3. Self Care
4. Learn as much as you can about toxic people and their behaviors.

What I didn't mention in the video is that by "I do yoga" I really mean "I do yoga with Adriene's videos like a fanatic person" I do yoga every time I feel off or unbalanced and I also go out for walks or bike rides in nature (see pic above, I do have a thing for bridges too, but that's a different story). I truly believe those two activities have played a huge role in my overall wellbeing. 

Do you have any wellbeing tips? Let me know! 

Alu

Flashbacking ?

Photo credit: Suzy Hazelwood

Flashbacks are overwhelming feelings that bring us back to the "abandonment melange" (thank you Pete Walker for the accurate description) of fear, depression, and/or self-hate, self-disappointment, and self-abandonment.

Trauma is felt in the body. 

So are flashbacks. 

Sometimes you know you are in a flashback. However, most of the time you don't know, and only realize you were in one the next day or even the week after. 

Mindfulness, yoga, tai-chi, and those types of practices that bring you back to the present moment will help you become aware of your emotions and feelings, as well as of your flashbacks.

There are no easy answers for flashbacks. 

Befriend mindfulness. 

Keep track of your state. 

Manage your state. 

The healthier you are the better. Flashbacks tend to appear more and more when you are not exercising, eating unhealthy foods, and/or drinking alcohol. 

The reduction of flashbacks is a "manual" process that requires intent, patience, and self-compassion.

This process becomes "automatic" with practice. Learning about triggers, flashbacks, and dissociation is the first step.

More on that in today's videos. English & Spanish.

Why Is Mindfulness So Powerful?

*Photo Credit: my 14 year old son :D


Why do we need to practice being in the now? Right where you are. What benefits can we obtain from meditation? 

Neurological research on mindfulness, the practice of being in the present moment, shows many advantages to our health: a stronger immune system, better sleep, and a decrease in stress and cortisol levels in the brain. 

Negative cognitions and emotions, such as shame, shut down the brain. On the other hand, meditating on love and kindness physically changes the brain, sculpting and strengthening our neural pathways. 

Our brain flourishes on repeated good thoughts. Isn't this amazing?  

In today's video I try to remind myself why I need to meditate more, and keep doing yoga periodically, by sharing with you the benefits of being more mindful.

Breathe in... long breath out... you are already good at this! 

P.S. A Guided Breathing Meditation

Drained Energy After Narcissistic Abuse. How to get it back?

This is where your own journey begins. It is time of letting go of the darkness the negativity and criticism. It's time to take care of you, put yourself on the map for once. You will need your energy, from now on.

You have been conditioned to not think about you. You are always thinking and working for the psychopath.  Always walking on egg shells. What will they criticize today, what will I do wrong today? What will they need from me. The moment you realize that you exist, that your voice is important, that you occupy space too on the planes, it's one of the best feelings.

So. Let's assume you are free from the psychopath or narcissist. That is a lot. In and of itself. Hats off. Well done. Don't be afraid of realizing that you were a victim. It's the first step towards getting your energy back.

If you want to start your recovery process with the right foot then no contact is your friend. Reduce all communications. Everything. Social media, phone, text, whatsapp, everything.

If you have children e-mails will do. Sometimes the phone is a good alternative but in my experience communicating by phone especially at the beginning is too much contact, and that can make you go back to square one in a second during this initial phase.

Your identity is not there anymore. It's a memory of who you used to be. You doubt yourself a lot, you may even feel numb, and almost every night (at 2 or 3 am maybe?) your inner critic pays a visit reminding you of the narcissist's judgement, false accusations and emotional neglect that you endured for months, years, decades.

Let go of that darkness.

How?

It takes time and work.

1) No Contact

2) Learn about narcissism, abusive behaviors, manipulative techniques. Learn about what happened to you. Read Psychopath Free by Jackson Mc. Kenzie and In Sheep's Clothing by Dr. George Simon.

3) Treat your CPTSD symptoms in therapy.

4) Mindfulness. I released a video with exercises you can do to be more aware of the present moment.

5) Self care. If you are angry. Feel it. Be angry. If you can express it through a sport or go for a walk in nature, release that anger, write it down. Writing this will help you in the future if you ever have doubts and you start projecting your own goodness onto the abuser and only remembering the good times. This journal that you wrote while angry will keep you real, grounded, and  will remind you of all the abuse you went through and endured.

Eat healthily. Eat protein in the morning. And reduce caffein intake. Maybe just have one coffee in the morning and that's it. Drink lots of water. That helps you flush your system of cortisol the stress hormone. Do Yoga. It's been proven to reduce the effects of abuse on the amygdala.

Work on your self esteem, work on deconstructing how you ended up with a psychopath. Look at the red flags. Again. Dr Simon's book In Sheep's Clothing is a great resource.

Time and self care will help you regain your energy. All these things together, exercise.

But remember before all this to be compassionate with yourself. You've been deeply violated. This is a violation of the spirit. Your innocence, your trust has been corrupted. You have seen darkness and decadence. You have given everything until there was nothing more. You need to care for your self like you've never done it before. Train. Train your mind. Train your body with mild exercise.

Reach out for your friends, your friends of life. Those that stood by you through thick and thin. If you are lucky you have one or maybe two. If not a member of your family. And if not. Go to survivor meetings in your area. Go to counseling.

I assure you with the help of all those things you will find your self again. Different. Never the same. More mature, less innocent but even more compassionate, and empathic than ever before. You will be evolved enough to give your superpowers of empathy and love and kindness only to those who have proved to you that they are worthy of your empathy, love and kindness.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Today I wanted to share three things to consider when healing from an abusive relationship.

It takes time

At least 2 years of consistent therapy to work on any symptoms of CPTSD and on any personal issues that may be present.

During the first year you have to see positive changes and you should start to feel better. If not, consider talking about this with your therapist or maybe try to find a different therapist that can resonate better with you.

No Contact is King 🤴 

Maintaining no contact is a measure of personal protection. 

It doesn't mean that you are angry, you are disrespectful, or that you are taking revenge against the toxic person. It means that you love yourself enough to set this boundary and protect yourself from an abusive person.

If you can't go full no contact, minimize communications via e-mail.

Self-Care is Queen 👸 :)

You have been through A LOT. 

You are currently fragile emotionally and physically.

Use the power of self love to boost your healing progress. 

It's essential that you eat good foods, exercise lightly regularly (yoga is awesome for the traumatized brain) and sleep well.